This season is all about the fight. Specifically how to fight. I've always known what to fight with but I've found that like a lot of people I have no spiritual endurance. I give up to easy.
Have you ever seen a professional boxing match? Those guys fight on long after most would quit. Sure, you could say that they've trained for years but without the want, without the passion, without that spark, no amount of training means anything. If they don't want to fight they'll do pretty poorly.
So now I have to ask myself (feel free to ask yourself to), when have I endured in a spiritual bout? When have I felt so burdened by something that I lost sleep over it because of prayer over that? When was I willing to take hits (lack of sleep, food, respect, etc) so that I would triumph over the Enemy? It can be confusing because Jesus usually spoke a few words and things happened but I believe that there are times in everyone's life that whole hours or even days should be spent in communion with the Father. Times that we endure in order to see a spiritual matter through.
I say all this because God has taught me that I am a fighter but more than that I am my namesake. David (beloved) Alexander (defender of men). I am not just a fighter but a defender of men. I don't pray and worship and invite the Holy Spirit to act just to push back the Darkness, but to defend others. When others are too weak to fight I should endure and fight for them. My cause should be their cause.
Endurance is a hard lesson to learn though. Oftentimes we want to quit because we are tired or hungry or worried about our appearance. What if praying for several hours would make something happen? What if replacing sleep, food, work, play, etc would change things? Is it worth the risk of putting ourselves out there and expecting God to move? Is it worth it? The lame walk, the blind see, the dead live again. Yes. Yes I think endurance might be worth it.
The whole reason in fact why I feel called to leadership is because I feel the need to fight for people the same way I was fought for. In May, 13 other men of God fought for me to bring me freedom. I want to do the same for others. Whether they are impoverished Ugandans looking for hope or an 18-22 year old using this trip as a way to get closer to the Father, I'll fight for them. I'll fight for their freedom.
These last few months have been a journey. I Think I've told everyone who has asked that I am doing fine and am trying to figure out what the next step is. This is only half true. I am looking for the next step, the thing that pulls at my heart so much I can't say no, but I am not "fine". To be quite direct I am under attack.
Lets start from the beginning. I'm stepping off the plan and heading into the airport in New York and I can feel a heavy veil. It covers up the truth and I can feel it in the billboards and on tv. I can see it on peoples faces as they go to work. The veil is this: there is nothing more than what you see and you weren't meant for anything more than that. I know in my heart that this is a lie but sometimes it's so convincing. Flash forward a month or two and I am suddenly back in my old life. The only thing that has changed is me. And slowly but surely the enemy has begun to violently push me back into the life I led before. And because of this I've let myself grow distant to some of the people who have changed my life for the better.
So consider this an update and a request to back me up in prayer. I want to apologize to my church group for not being more of a part of them, my family for writing them off and my friends for not thinking they'll understand. Besides the story gets better. God created me a warrior. So don't think I'll take this sitting down either. I'm pushing back.
So this month will be short but SWEET. we'll only be here for 2 weeks (in Odessa) but during the time we work here we'll be encouraging and discipling one of my favorite demographics...20-something-college-students. So the reason for the enthusiasm , in case you were wondering, is that this age range is ready to be inspired. plenty of people these days get a degree to start working and make money, and then to raise a family. Nothing about that is inherently wrong but I wonder...where's the passion? Thats where my team comes in! We know that the true source of passion and fullfilment in life is Jesus. without Him things will seem empty and pointless. There are dreams to be made real in these students. So we want to encourage them (and you, reader) that whatever it is that makes you tick, whatever it is that makes your soul burn for more, is the thing that you need, NEED to pursue! Money will only get you so far. But true happiness comes in pursuing our dreams for His kingdom. Also it makes Him happy too.
There's a kink in these plans though...I can't participate in raising up new leaders that will fight for the spiritual climate in Ukraine because I need to work on support in order to stay on the field. That's where you can help. If you can donate even $5-$10-$20, I can get back into encouraging and lighting the fires of these students. I only need $400. I started this race with only $5000 in my account. God provided that for me in about 2 months. the full total that's been raised is now $13,900. God has provided me with money everytime I have needed it and this is no exception. But I'm telling you if there's one thing He loves to do it is work through us, not work around us. So let yourself be moved by Him. If you are strapped for cash thats ok too. just spread the word. you know people that I don't. Facebook has provided almost a fourth of the support raised so far. So update those status'. share my link in your status too. Thank you for reading and I can't wait to let you guys know about what God has done because of you!
These 2 countries have been 2 of my favorite months so far. 2 completely different cultures and people. 2 different languages. The thing that they share is a thirst for the one true God.
Cambodia
This country has undergone a lot of changes within the past 30 years and not all of them for the good. From a rebellion that started small came a very large threat to the Cambodian people. Anew leader in the early 80's caused a lot of deaths and suffering. People were forced out of the cities and into agricultural farms, living like slaves or prisoners of war in their own country. Now after all this is over the country is still struggling to get back on its feet. Amongst all this the country is predominately Buddhist with a little hindu sprinkled in. There are almost no Christians here and most people have never even heard of Christ much less the gospel. But everywhere we shared people were hungry. They were hungry for some truth. They were hungry for something that worked. They were hungry for something they didn't know they were missing. The love of God, the creator of our universe. That month we planted seeds of the gospel in people's hearts. Now, just 5 months later there is a church and a christian school in the small village where we worked. There is a new rebellion happening in Cambodia. But it's not one of politics or armies. It's a rebellion against the powers of the world and the enemy. It is rebelling for the true freedom found in Christ. and just like the old rebellion this new rebellion will start out small but will change a nation.
Fast forward to October in the Czech Republic. The people here are just as thirsty as the Cambodians, just as oppressed by the past, just as ready for a new future that has nothing to do with their past. The people here are all athiest. Christians are rare here and when you find one it's like finding a lost family member. We find ourselves doing the same thing as before just in a different setting. Planting seeds, bringing hope, spreading the gospel and being Jesus wherever we go. They are ready for this new rebellion.
So here I am hoping to finish this month strong. Hoping to go to Ukraine next month to bring hope to yet another country that is oppressed by the world. The world who has nothing to offer. I can't offer them Jesus though if I'm not there. That's where you come in. I need $600 before the 1st of November or I'll be sent home. Every amount puts me forward even more. Pray for me and then consider following that prayer with action! Just click on the support me button the left to donate to me! thanks for reading!
My brother reminded me of a great lesson I learned on the race. Proverbs 28:13. Not that I should go around announcing every sin I've ever or will do but that when I get into the habit of hiding my sins thats when It's time to let some Light shine in and that usually means letting out the things I struggle with. so here we go. I struggle with lust. I struggle with pride. My defeat in these 2 areas have led to insecurities in my life that have paved the way for broken relationships between me and God and me and people.
You see way back in Uganda a dear friend of mine asked me to find out why I am so insecure. (Thanks Nate) so why am I so insecure? because although I am a new creation in Christ I'm still lugging around my mistakes of the past as if they would actually help me.
Let's tackle pride first. So even though thinking that I am never good enough seems like it could be humility it is a false humility. Humility is never prideful or arrogant. It is modest and meek. It doesn't care whether it is the greatest or the poorest but puts out its best and accepts it for what it is. I found myself the other day actually slightly offended that I was not invited to lead worship because they couldn't plug in my guitar. I thought "well they have regular microphones, they could mic my guitar". what? did I really think that? Christ's death on the cross made my rights null and void. I am free in Christ but I am also a slave to righteousness. So my insecurities in Pride come from the fact that I am constantly looking to "perform". even if I'm just worrying about the way I look in other people's eyes it's still a form of pride that in my own life needs to be cut out. So I am insecure in what others think of me.
The next is Lust. Ever since I hit puberty I've struggled with it but kept it under wraps until the race. This has twisted my perception of myself and who I am in my own eyes. This year as been the biggest fight I've ever given the enemy in this area thanks to 13 of the greatest guys I've ever known. But it's still a fight. I've been turned around and lied to for so long that I doubt even what God says about me.
As you can see both of these have warped my perception of what God thinks of me. But not anymore. So this is what I've learned about myself. some of this is from my teammates, some from my own observations and soe from God Himself.
I AM humble
I am a priest and a king, a person for His own possession
I am destined for greatness
Every king has an army that backs him...I am that army (Holy spirit-fueled)
I lead from behind, by example
I hear God
I have felt the love of God for all nations
He speaks to me in visions
I am a worship leader
As a worship leader I tag-team with the Holy Spirit to bring people into the presence of God
I am an ENEMY of the devil
I am a prayer warrior
I am a spiritual WARRIOR!!!!
P.S. I know this sounds like the opposite of humility but trust me these are truths, not exaggerations.
So I've been busy. So here's my attempt at a recap after Tanzania.
Uganda
Great people, worked with a church in kumi. the people of this region speak Tesso. It was here that I learned of my calling. Every day we were at a different rural church and they want me to play my guitar for them all the time. So God begins speaking into this saying that I have things to say with music and music will play a key role in my ministry. I'm stoked about all that because I love playing my guitar. I started writing in Tanzania and I haven't stopped since. The people here are poor but generous. It's like the early church community. sharing everything they have without regard for themselves. Love it! It was a great time to get closer to my team. Synapses: people were great, food was bland, ministry was awesome, and God spoke.
Ireland
Had a conference here. but not just any conference, The Awakening! Put on by the world race for the world race. God spoke again here. The teachings were great and I got to hang out with some friends from back home who are on P squad now. sethandaprilblackburn.theworldrace.org is thier blogsite.
And now the sad news. I regret to inform you that I'm in danger of going home. yikes! I need to have $2100 in my account by the 20th of december or I 'm going home. This is not good. God hs so much more to teach me and I'm pretty sure my team would cry. not to mention Chris would be the only guy left on the team! please pray but also consider donating. I'll be updating this more soon. This is just something to tie you guys over.
What a week! This week has been jam-packed with stories. So
we started off on Monday afternoon on our way to a safari. That evening we were
able to witness some tribal dancing. It was so awesome. At one point they
decided to dance with a 5 foot python. They would tease it on purpose just to
get it to try to bite them so they could then dodge out of the way. Crazy. So
the next day we woke up extra early in order to see the most animals possible.
It was worth it. We were able to see a lion about 5 feet from us! It was
ridiculously awesome! So after the ride back from the park we got home late
knowing we had to start door-todoor ministry the next day.
We started the
next day at around 4ish (Africa time, meaning they never start anything on
time) and we divided into groups of 4 with a translator. My group was from my
own team ( we are working with 2 other teams this month. One of which is made
up of the girls from my old team) Amanda, and Kerry. We go to the first house
and it was a lady from our pastor's church. We all assumed that we were there
to encourage her in some way so we begin to talk to her and she tells us about
her daughter.
This woman's
family had been deeply affected by witch craft for generations. Her own mother
is a witch-doctor and has been training the granddaughter in with-doctery for
awhile. The witch-doctor that trained the grandmother had killed the mother's
husband, brother-in-law and her firstborn child through witch doctor ways.
What?! And now the daughter was becoming involved in it through the
grandmother. Pastor told us that last time she had been around people who were
worshipping God the demon inside her manifested and tried to kill her by
choking her with her own hands. So now we know that we are dealing with a demon
possessed woman. We ask the daughter a ton of questions but have to leave
because of time. So the next day we bring some praise songs and try to see if
what the pastor is telling us is true. We pour ourselves into it but nothing
happens. She tells us she wants to be delivered but we run out of time again
and so we ask her to come back again.
This time we
dive right into a salvation prayer for her after she tells us she understands
who Jesus is and his sacrifice for her. After this Pastor takes over and tells
Amanda and Kerry to help pray and tells me to sing some worship songs to bring
the Spirit to our situation. He says a few words to her in Swahili and she
falls to the floor stiff as a board. Here's the dialogue as translated by
pastor:
Girl: (whining and crying)
Pastor: In the name of Jesus leave !
Girl: I am going but I was sent!
Pastor: Who were you sent by?
Girl: (says a name in Swahili)
Pastor: (looks at the mother) who is that? Do you know them?
Mother: yes that is her grandmother...
Pastor: (prays some more in Swahili)
Girl: (calms down and stops thrashing...finally wakes up and
sits up)
By this point we were all asking her if she was ok. She had
come in with bad stomach pains saying that it felt like something was wriggling
around. And her eyesight had become worse since yesterday. After the demon left
she had no more pain and could see completely clear! Bwana asufiwe(praise God)!
We of course had tons of questions and pastor answered most of them. And now
here I am in a super nice resort getting wifi and trying to process through
everything I've witnessed in the past few days. The only conclusion I can come to is that God is way more awesome and
mighty and sovereign than I thought. He is a God who cares so much for his
people that He cries when they are hurt, shows them his creation in the most
beautiful ways and even gaurds their very lives. Praise God you guys.
Seriously. Praise God.
So many of you know that I pronounce ketchup "catch up". so this will be a series of blogs where I catch you up on my race. Just a play on words...anywho...
This blog will be about my team changes. At the end of month 3 we underwent team changes. They told us going into it that every team changes in some way. I wasn't expecting change though. at least not for me...I knew that I would be with the same team from beginning to end. They gathered us up and handed us envelopes with our new team in them and told us to be alone and pray for a few hours. So I did. God asked me if I was ready and would I accept change? and my answer was I'll accept anyone new on my team. He placed me on a completely new team.
You need to know that the squad leaders pray about every decision, so I know that this was a decision from Him not them. I did not take it well at all. I asked God why. I was angry, frustrated, selfish, and ready to quit. After a while he led me to Jeremiah chapter 1 where God tells jeremiah "whomever I send you to you shall go. I really felt like God was sending me to my team and that I was there for them not the other way around. imagine that. the world doesn't revolve around me? who would have thought? Anyway things have been great with them. I've spent 2 weeks with them and I'll detail that 2 weeks in my next blog. Internet is scarce here so I'll write when I can.
This month has been a month of revelations. I'm going to list some of the things that God has laid on my heart as expectations from Him.
-I will be His prophet. Like an Elijah or Jeremiah. whoa...
-I have 3 years to prepare for what this will entail
-I need to be comfortable and/or willing to lead and as a christian male its expected.
After reading the first chapter of Jeremiah It takes on new meaning. I could feel God saying the same things to me as I was reading. Something I didn't know before going on the race, Prophecy is not neccesarily about the future. Its just speaking what God wants you to speak. I've already taken steps in this direction and I'm pretty confident in what I've said as God's truth. But this does not overshadow everyone's true calling as christians. And that is to brings souls to Christ. So if I'm not doing that then its pointless.
Ministry this month was all about the orphanage next door. The place that we stay is a mission center/orphanage/church/whatever it needs to be. They assigned primary ministries to each team but you could choose a secondary ministry because there is so much to do. My team got the orphanage. So for an entire month I was a house parent to kids I had never met. I was a bit intimidated by the fact that I had to pour into kids who had such tragic lives. What did I have to give these kids that the world had rejected. In one word God told me. Love. At first I tried to give them play and then structure and then scripture. As soon as I tried Love things went completely different. It was much less about kids being bad that needed to be disciplined and went to having way too much fun with kids that were extremely affectionate and wanted to be cared for by every person they met.
God also showed himself through our ministry. He showed me that like these kids I was starved for His love and at time acted very rebellious. He showed me that to do His will is more than an action. It was about persistance and pursuing Him. At times during the week there would be worship services put together by other racers. I only willingly went to one. Why in the world would someone choose to skip out on a place that God is going to be? If 2 or more are gathered in His name, He's there! In total abandon and pursuit of Him I should have been the first one there.
